The decision to have a homebirth turned out to be so right for us in many ways and I am incredibly grateful we were able to achieve this and so thankful for the support of the homebirth team who made it possible. I'm also so much in debt to the lovely community midwife - Sofia - who, recognising my high levels of anxiety about labour, prompted me to refer to the homebirth team in the first place, and to Sally the doula who also played such a vital part in our story.
So, as for the birth story, here's how it happened...
Edie was due on 16th May. In the run up to my due date I had already started to have what I thought might be signs of impending labour with bits of my mucus plug coming away and lots of Braxton Hicks, and various back pains and twinges. When the days started to pass by after my due date I started to feel more and more anxious - what would happen if I needed to be induced? Could I still have a homebirth? Would I have to face going into hospital alone?
I was feeling extremely anxious and fearful about the birth. Every day it would be the same - during the day I would feel ok but come the evening I would start to panic. My mind would spiral into frightened thoughts of labour, scenarios in which I would be out of control and/or something would go terribly wrong. And being pregnant in the context of a pandemic only served to make all these anxieties worse.
To try and overcome these anxieties I had taken some steps in pregnancy to try and best prepare myself for a fear free labour. One was signing up for an online hypnobirthing course with the Yes Mum Birth Project. I found the content of this course so useful and completely transformative in terms of my understanding of the physiology of birth. I'd also got into some good habits with listening to the audio tracks - positive affirmations as I got dressed in the mornings or whenever I had a free moment, and at night time I would listen to the relaxation track. In addition to this the Rescue Pack materials created by the Positive Birth Company came at just the right time and provided me with extra resources I could draw upon to navigate some of the fears which had arisen out of the UK lockdown - including a virtual doula, Sally, who agreed to support me on a 'just in case' basis in the event I had to face a transfer to hospital alone and without Tom.
In addition to these resources I had also developed a few other nightly rituals:
- massaging my bump when I got into bed with Lush's Sleepy lavender body cream
- creating and listening to a relaxation playlist of classical music (which I also played whilst I was doing activities I enjoy such as embroidery or reading, to create happy and relaxed connotations for the music)
- turning the lights down low and popping on my oils diffuser with lavender and geranium essential oils
- flicking through my positive affirmations cards from YMBP and reading aloud the ones which resonated most with me.
These nightly rituals proved to be really useful when it came to creating the right atmosphere during labour.
So, as mentioned, I had been having vague signs of labour starting in the preceding weeks but, with so many false alarms I was beginning to fear the day would never come spontaneously. On the Wednesday night (40 +4days) however I slept pretty badly as I woke frequently with surge like pains deep down into my pelvis. I woke on the Thursday morning (40+5) early at 5am and just felt, well, on edge, like something was going to happen today. I couldn't get back to sleep so I got out of bed and was up and dressed by 5.15am. I figured if I was going to go into labour I wanted to be ready for it! (With hindsight I really wish I had had more sleep to prepare me!)
All that day I had on and off surges. They were mild enough to be bearable and get on with my day but distinct and uncomfortable enough for me to notice them. By the time my midwife, Lou, came for my planned antenatal visit around 3pm that afternoon I was starting to feel a bit emotional and frustrated. Was this labour starting or another false alarm? Assuming the latter, Lou and I discussed my options for an induction at 40+12 and an appointment plus Covid screening was provisionally scheduled for the following week. Lou seemed confident I probably wouldn't need this and I found this really reassuring.
A couple of hours later, by 5pm, I was starting to feel more pains so, feeling like I couldn't cope with juggling the elder children anymore I stuck them in front of the TV and rested on the sofa. Tom came down from working upstairs in his office to help out and prep dinner.
By 6pm we sat down to eat. I managed to eat a bit but by then I could feel the surges were becoming more regular and a bit more intense and I was starting to feel a bit emotional. I had the most overwhelming urge to run upstairs and hide in the dark, like an animal wanting to find a quiet space to birth their young. So Tom finished off doing dinner and the bedtime routine with the kids and I went up to our bedroom. (We explained to Emmy that mummy wasn't feeling great because of the baby in her tummy and so could she please be extra helpful for daddy at bedtime and she very sweetly cooperated, first of all running up the stairs after me to give me a 'big cuddle to feel better' and to say she hoped 'the pains didn't hurt me too much in the night' and that I could use her pink heart cushion to cuddle to make me feel better. Really, she is just too lovely!).
When I got up to our room I started to panic a little as it suddenly felt like time was moving really quickly and I couldn't figure out in my head what to do first to prepare. First of all I phoned the homebirth team mobile to let them know I thought labour was starting and they agreed they would get someone to drop the pool round and do an initial assessment. Then I jumped in the shower for probably the quickest shower of my life and brushed my teeth - for some reason I was worried the baby was going to come really quickly and it felt important I be dressed and clean. Why I thought this I'm not sure now?! I got dressed into some fresh, comfy clothes, closed the curtains to get the room nice and dark, got my essential oils going in the diffuser, massaged myself with an anxiety relief blend of oils (purchased from Emma Parr) and loaded up a hankie with my pain relieving blend (black pepper, lavender, peppermint and bergamot) to sniff during contractions. Then I laid out my affirmation cards on the bed and turned on my relaxation playlist - a mix of lots of classical music.
With the scene all set I sat down on the bed to close my eyes and ride out each surge but that's when the reality of labour hit. With Tom downstairs still settling the kids to bed and me alone the fear began to kick in. I started to get tearful and just really, really wanted my mum. (The plan had been for her to be here for the birth but with the lockdown in place that sadly couldn't happen - a huge disappointment and upset.) I called and cried down the phone to her and she just sat and listened to me, offered calm words of encouragement as I paused to breathe through each surge and chatted to me about her garden to distract me between each one. Just hearing her voice was such a source of comfort. (You never get too old to want your mum!)
Once Tom was able to come upstairs to join me the surges felt like they were coming with increasing regularity and intensity. I hadn't heard back from the homebirth midwife team yet so I called again whilst Tom popped downstairs to clear the kitchen/dining room to make way for the pool. The midwife confirmed that someone was on their way and would be with me shortly.
Then, at 8pm, the lovely Lucy arrived - just in time to be cheered on by neighbours on our street who were out on their doorsteps doing the Clap for Carers! When she arrived the first thing she asked was how I was feeling and I levelled with her that I was feeling very frightened and shed a few tears. She couldn't have been kinder or more reassuring, telling me that I was good at having babies and that this was an exciting time - I was going to meet my baby soon! After doing an assessment and running through some questions with me we agreed that Lucy would leave Tom and I for a bit as, as she put it, I was looking a bit too comfortable with my contractions and things needed to get going a bit more. We felt confident that we could handle things and that we could call her back at any time so it seemed best to let her go on to deal with other patients. This was one just after 9pm.
With Lucy gone, Tom helped me pop on my Tens machine and we headed upstairs to our room to settle down on the bed. We watched back to back episodes of the American Office to distract me and ate jelly babies to keep my energy up. I carried on using the Tens and my oils hankie to manage each surge and I monitored how long they were/their intensity. By around 10.30/11ish I was starting to get tired and a bit restless. Should I be calling the midwife back yet?, I asked Tom. He felt, based on what he was seeing of the way I was handling contractions, that it might still be too soon so we held on for a bit longer.
Then things seemed to change. My surges, which had been regular and feeling pretty intense, suddenly seemed to really slow down. I started to panic a bit. What was happening? Was this all a false alarm? So just before 1am I called and spoke to Lucy (another midwife of the same name!) and told her what was going on. She was reassuring, telling me that my body knew what it was doing and that sometimes contractions can slow down a little to give your body a chance to rest. She suggested cuddling up with Tom and watching something nice on tv to get the oxytocin flowing and so we did exactly that, popping on yet another episode of The Office and eating more jelly babies.
I'm not sure if we even made it through a whole episode after that however as very soon the surges seemed to come back with even more intensity and I was finding it harder to concentrate on them. I started to feel really shaky and we decided to head downstairs whilst I felt I could still get down there to fill the pool and ring the midwives again.
Once downstairs I sat on the edge of the sofa, by now really starting to tremble uncontrollably and beginning to feel more pressure down into my botttom which made me panic a little that it wouldn't be long till baby would be wanting to arrive. Tom started filling the pool then called the midwives again to update them. I could hear them on the end of the phone explaining that they were just finishing up at another birth around 25 minutes drive away so the earliest they could be with us was realistically 45 minutes to an hour. They briefed Tom on what to do if I felt I needed to push or suggested the other option was to call an ambulance now if I felt I couldn't wait and transfer to hospital.
Tom ended the call and I was feeling very emotional. I really didn't want to go to hospital but the thought of the midwives not making it in time was terrifying. Tom was so calm however. He felt, having watched me in two previous labours, that I wasn't as far a long as I thought and said he thought the time would fly by.
Still feeling quite frightened however I decided to give Sally, our virtual doula, a quick call (I had already messaged her early that evening to give her a heads up I was in labour and she had said some lovely messages back with lots of positive affirmations that I could do this). At that moment I just wanted to hear her voice of reassurance and to keep her posted in case I really did end up in an ambulance to hospital. If I'm honest I don't really remember exactly what was said on that call but I remember how Sally made me feel. Just hearing her voice helped me refocus and regain my sense of control. She was so calm and confident that I would be ok. I remember her sense of excitement that this was it, I was going to meet my baby soon! - and it was genuine excitement too, all the more lovely given that I had just woken her up in the small hours of the morning! I remember her saying she wished she could be there with us, but just that short phone call really did bring her into our birth space with us. I'll be forever grateful for that as I feel that her reassurance, along with Tom's calm confidence, kept us on track for the homebirth I wanted.
Whilst we continued to wait for the midwives to arrive I rode out each contraction sitting on the edge of the sofa with Tom sat behind me. He rubbed my bump and held me tight through each surge and softly told me what a great job I was doing and how proud he was. I have no idea how long we sat like that but it was such a beautiful and intimate time, just us two, waiting to meet our baby.
The feeling of pressure downwards and the sense of wanting to push soon was really beginning to intensify, so I was SO relieved to hear the doorbell ring. "Oh great, it'll be that takeaway I ordered", Tom quipped as he went to get the door.
The midwives - Lucy and Lucy - arrived around 2.45am (just as our milkman was delivering our milk strangely, for some reason I remember hearing the bottles clinking from the front door through my labouring fog!). They found me, still sniffing away at my oils on my hankie with each surge and muttering to myself relentlessly "It's all ok, release, release, it's all ok..." as I rode the wave of each contraction. I apologised to Lucy for sounding crazy talking to myself. "Hey, whatever works!", she said.
The next bit is all a bit of a blur really. Building contractions, Lucy doing all the necessary observations of baby and I, Tom making sure the pool was the right temperature...
Then it was time to get in the pool. I was just about to strip down to my bra vest to get in when I felt like I needed a wee again and so I waddled off to the downstairs loo - I remember calling for Tom to wait outside the door as I didn't want to be alone. When I got to the loo however I sat down and felt a sudden pop and a release of pressure. "I think my waters just broke", I cried out, half panicking that I had just given birth in the loo!
What followed was the most intense surge so far, so strong it brought me to my knees on the toilet floor, accompanied by the most overwhelming urge to push. I remember Lucy coming quickly to the door and encouraging me to get up and just feeling like I couldn't stand. "It's so hard!", I cried. But Lucy was great, "I know," she said, "Let's get you in that pool", helping me up.
The walk from the loo across the kitchen to the birth pool, set up in the dining room, felt like the longest walk I've ever done and I remember having to stop half way and feeling panicked the baby was going to fall out of me onto the hard kitchen floor. But I made it to the pool and, with Lucy and Tom's helped, managed to climb in and rest on my knees with my head leant on the side of the pool.
Time does strange things when you're in labour and the next and last bit of labour, the pushing, simultaneously felt like it took forever and no time at all. I remember so vividly that incredible sensation of pressure, of baby bearing down, and just crying out - first with actual words "It's burning!! Is it ok?! Is it all ok?!" and then just noise, roars and cries, and sounds I didn't know I could make under normal circumstances. But although it felt like this went on for ages, looking back at my discharge notes from the midwives it seems there was only 17 minutes from waters breaking to baby arriving so I really wasn't pushing all that long at all. And then there she was! All 7lb 90z of her!
That moment meeting your baby for the first time defies capturing in words. It's like meeting a complete stranger but simultaneously feeling like you've always known one another. It's like the biggest adrenaline rush ever and yet also the hugest sense of calm and relief imaginable - they're here, my baby is here and safe. It's a moment of gratitude of 'I never have to go through that pain again!' and yet also somehow almost instantly forgetting it ever hurt and romantically hoping you'll get to have that same addictive rush of love just one more time. It's nothing short of miraculous.
We had chosen not to find out the gender this time around (we had with the first two) so it was a genuine surprise. I think I held her for quite some time however before I even looked to find out she was a girl - I just wanted to hold my baby and try to take it all in. But, if I'm honest, I had been dreaming of and hoping for another little girl and so could not have been happier.
After a few minutes of just holding her and kissing her tiny little face, whilst she cried - the loudest and fiercest cry of all three of my babies! - Lucy encouraged me to try and deliver the placenta. I felt so incredibly weak and shaky at this point I struggled with this a bit, plus I must admit I felt a bit freaked out by the feeling of yet more pressure down into my botttom - "Oh god, it's not another baby is it?!", I asked Lucy. Eventually, after some more attempts at pushing and nothing happening, Lucy helped me to stand up to see if gravity would help. It did, and my placenta was delivered with a loud splash into the pool. (It turned out, in closer inspection, that my placenta had started to calcify and fragment, making me even more grateful in hindsight that she arrived when she did and I didn't have to wait another week for induction. I also ended up with a bit of suspected retained placenta and an infection a few days later which made me feel really rotten and needed a course of antibiotics.)
With the cord cut Tom finally got the chance to take our baby for a first cuddle. He stripped off his tshirt and settled down for a bit of skin to skin whilst Lucy and Lucy helped me out the pool and onto the sofa which they had covered with masses of maternity pads and towels. They checked me over - no tearing, no stitches, whoop! - and then it was time for me to have more cuddles and try to give that first all important feed.
It's funny - having breastfed two babies to 2 years of age, and only having finished feeding Max 4 months ago I'd have thought I'd know what I was doing, but it still felt strange and scary trying to latch on this tiny and delicate newborn, and little did I know then we would have many struggles ahead of us over the coming days, but we managed and I held my little girl and stared down at her in wonder as she took her first mouthfuls of that precious colostrum.
I laid like this on the sofa for some time whilst Lucy and Lucy cleaned up and packed up around me and did all the necessary checks on baby and I. Tom helped empty the pool (my front garden reaped the benefits of the water from the pool and any blood it contained!) and then made me tea (with actual caffeine, the joy!) and a toasted cinnamon bagel. Post delivery food really is the best food ever!
By about 5.30am Lucy and Lucy had done everything they needed to do and reassured us that a midwife would be in contact to arrange coming out to check on us the next day. They congratulated us again on baby's arrival and then left - leaving Tom, baby and I to just try and process what had happened! We sat there, still a bit in happy shock and wanting to call everyone to share the news. About half an hour to an hour later we heard footsteps upstairs and then the little patter of Emmy's feet as she came in to the room to meet her little sister. Being able to be at home so that the children could wake up to a new sibling in this way was just so incredibly special and just one of the very many benefits to having a homebirth.
I feel so very very lucky to have had the birth we did with our little girl. It could not have been more perfect and I am so very very grateful to the homebirth team of midwives who cared for me so brilliantly - from antenatal care right through to their very sensitive handling of a post natal (and very emotional!) me. I really was struggling with a lot of anxiety ahead of labour - and at points during labour - but being at home hugely helped me to stay calm. I felt completely in control and safe throughout. Being able to set the atmosphere exactly how I wanted it and having a large part of my labour in the comfort and safety of my own bedroom with just Tom and I cuddled up together really did totally transform my experiences of birth. It could not have been more different to the first two - a scary hospital delivery with epidural, two hours of pushing and 2nd degree tears with the first, an incredibly speedy birth centre pool delivery with the second. I totally appreciate that homebirth is not for everyone for many reasons. (I didn't think it was for me if I'm honest - having practically laughed at Sofia when she suggested it when I was pregnant with Max!) Having now experienced it however I cannot recommend it highly enough and would do it again in a heartbeat... I'd have to convince Tom that even numbers of children are best though!
If you've made it this far, thanks so much for reading my birth story. I'm really happy to answer any questions or talk further about it if it would help anyone out, please do just drop me a line on kirstylauramason@googlemail.com
Also, if you have made it this far please check out the Five X More website at https://www.fivexmore.com to read more about the campaign to address the disparity in maternal mortality rates of black, Asian and ethnic minority women in birth compared with white women. Please consider donating if you can, because ALL women deserve the very best standards of care during pregnancy and birth.
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