A single glance can say sometimes express more than words could ever say.
I am sure there have been times for all of us when we have looked at someone – our partner, a friend, a stranger even – and needed no language to tell us what they are thinking. A furtive glance, a piercing gaze, a stony silent stare – it is a beautiful truth about being human that our eyes have such a huge expressive capacity, such a wonderful ability to reflect outwardly what we are feeling in our hearts, and sometimes, such a worrying potential to 'give the game away' with thoughts we would rather keep hidden. But then, if, as they say, the eyes are the window to the soul, where does this leave our mouths? What is it we reveal about ourselves when we open it to speak? What do we tell of ourselves by the words we use, the intonation, the imagery we conjure up? And what has more value, what carries more weight – our words or our looks?
A very good and wise friend of mine (whose opinions I have great respect for) seeing that I had started writing this blog expressed some concern about the fact that I had not chosen to write under another name. “Writing can really expose you”, they warned me – a warning which was taken on board with the utmost seriousness. Would I not be best to protect my anonymity? Should I not use a pseudonym and thereby not reveal too much about myself? Words, he wrote, can be “alarmingly unambiguous”, perhaps in a way that a look or an image, are not.
This friend of mine – Neil Moore – is an artist I greatly admire, and for whom I have worked as a model since I was a slightly un-ironed student back in 2001. (Incidentally, I am glad to say I am now always very well 'pressed'!). Neil is a remarkable painter and I have always felt incredibly privileged to model for him and be part of his creative process. And so, when he wrote to me with his comments on my blog his words carried real weight for me, and rang in my head so loudly that I thought – this must be worth writing about.
For it is an interesting thought, this concept of anonymity. For Neil (I believe I am correct in saying) does not seek to reveal himself though his painting, but rather something about the human condition. And, arguably I think, I would probably agree that this is precisely what he does achieve in his work. Looking at Neil’s work always gives me the sense of being put in touch with something about being alive, being human, existing in this world and relating to other beings. It isn’t always a comfortable feeling confronting his work, as his paintings often deal with difficult imagery, with complex emotions & challenging interactions between people – but this is all part of being real is it not, isn’t this real life? And, if you spend any time looking at his work you are, certainly, sure to get a sense of Neil’s style, his technique, perhaps even his philosophy. But – and here’s the question - is this the same as getting a sense of him? Does Neil, the artist, the man, the human, reveal himself through his work, or does the inherent ambiguity of the work he produces protect him in a garb of anonymity? I can only encourage you to have a look at his work at www.neilmoore.co.uk and see what you think for yourself – perhaps you’ll come to your own conclusions about Neil, perhaps not, but I have no doubt you’ll be moved in some way.
An interesting concept too – anonymity – for who is to say this is something we should aspire to? Should we want to protect our anonymity, as we would hold close to us a treasured heirloom? Or should we seek to throw off the shackles of 'being anonymous' like clothes we have become encumbered by or outgrown? Celebrities often bemoan the intrusion upon their private lives by the media, the constant prying eye of the press which snoops upon them in their quiet moments, their loss of their anonymity. But do they not also revel perhaps in a feeling that people 'know their name', that they are known for their “art”, that their talents have carved out a presence for themselves in the world that is felt by other beings?
Perhaps it is not so strange that Neil would raise this issue of anonymity regarding my blog, as maybe that’s precisely the crux of the matter. People often talk of 'making a name for themselves'. Is that what I am trying to do here by writing my heart out and sharing my attempts at philosophical 'musings'? Am I, indeed, 'baring my soul' by putting down on paper (or computer screen) my innermost thoughts? And are my words, as Neil suggests, “alarmingly unambiguous” in what they reveal about the workings of my mind, or rather something I am putting 'out there' deliberately to be interpreted, taken ambiguously, and potentially misunderstood?
Once again, I am full of questions yet rather lacking when it comes to definitive answers. All I can say is this – it feels damn good to be writing. And if writing as I do is the equivalent of running down a crowded high street stark blooming naked, baring all and leaving nothing to the imagination then hand me my running shoes, I’m off for a jog – I bet its nothing you’ve not seen before anyway.
* The image used is Custody of the Eyes by Neil Moore, www.neilmoore.co.uk
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